Prompt 8 – Letting go of the blame

This week’s prompt covers What’s bothering me? Why?

breakup songs.jpg

A breakup’s aftermath can be hard – especially in this day of social media where your business can be plastered everywhere. People can watch your life unfold over someone’s social media pages and make their own assumptions about how what’s happening for you. A matter that should be private and shared at your own pace becomes everyone’s news.

Last month I wrote about a recent breakup and how our paths no longer intertwined. My partner is an incredible person and someone I truly admire. I wish nothing but the best of things for them but I know that our timing was just not right and our particulars just weren’t good fit. We both fought long and hard to do our best but in the end we weren’t good for each other and it was just causing more stress and sadness than good. Ever since our firm and final break, I have felt more at peace and I’ve felt lighter. The different stress is gone and I can be happy and at ease. It affirms the decision was for the best.

When prompted to think about what bothers me right now, my ex-partner’s attitude and attempts to victimize themselves is at the top of the list. Social media continues to be a negative platform to let this attitude fester. It is full of so many quotes aimed at taking shots at the other person and allowing the poster to remove their own accountability. There are opportunities to victimize oneself instead of looking inside to figure out where things went wrong. Certainly, there are awful relationships out there and situations where people are done severely wrong but in many relationships it’s about not being the right match – and that has to be ok. But we cannot blame other people for our life and we cannot let other people define it. I still struggle with missing my old partner – I miss what we had and what we are capable of. It’s a shame that our live particulars couldn’t blend but that’s part of life. It’s an opportunity to learn.

Now a days people are so quick to victimize themselves or look out to get back at someone. I think we need to look deeper in the situation and try to learn from each one. We are all responsible for our own happiness and if your partner isn’t making you happy, no matter how hard you BOTH try it’s ok to walk away from that. There is someone better out there for you and there is someone better out there for your partner. Getting to that point of acceptance is the best thing for anyone going through a breakup. Appreciate the good from the relationship, the lessons learned, and hopeful the good memories along the way but also understand why you are no longer together – which includes your own contributions to the relationship as well. Acceptance finally gives you that welcome sense of exhalation. You come to realize what the past meant and what the future can hold. Everything is alright again. You feel like yourself again and you have so much good ahead.

Unfortunately, my ex-partner isn’t there yet and I still have to deal with the jabs and the self pity. Getting scrubbed from social media – guess I should have saved some of those great pictures they got of me. But that’s where they are and that doesn’t define me. I can look in the mirror and know I gave it my best. I miss my ex-partner but I will never regret making the right decision for me. Maybe our paths cross again but if they don’t I will forever appreciate our time. Hopefully they get to that point of acceptance too. We all deserve that.

❤ Ashlee

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